“请不要怪自己,妈妈。”他写了再见信。我怎么会错过这个?

更多故事:

“‘请不要怪自己妈妈;请不要怪自己爸爸;我爱你!在您的祈祷中与我交谈,不要忘记抬头。我现在低头看你。愿和平与你同在。

Smile! LOOK UP – I SEE YOU.’

这些是约旦在2018年4月18日(他自杀一生的那一天)写道的最后一句话。

就像他出生的那天,那天是我永远不会忘记的一天。1998年9月10日。他的头顶头发很小。他出生时重6.1磅,长20英寸。

Courtesy of Stella Parker
Courtesy of Stella Parker

我的生活很完整,有两个儿子,我感到高兴和幸福。但是,生活沿途向我们扔了几个曲线球。我在乔丹2之前离婚了我的丈夫ndbirthday and did the best I could for my sons. I established a home for them and made sure they continued to have a stable and enjoyable childhood. Three years later, in the June of 2003 I remarried.

Courtesy of Stella Parker
Courtesy of Stella Parker

我的儿子是一个完美主义者,不仅与他人,而且与他自己也很有竞争力。他被选为在小学上打曲棍球,并继续成为与欧洲车队一起骑自行车的骑自行车的人。他打了一线水球,并在整个体育生涯中获得了许多奖项。他还参加像在水中的鱼一样打鼓并喜欢它。他热爱生活,并充分利用每一刻。他有很多朋友,也不是受到同伴压力影响的人。他站在整个学校的面前,朗诵,一句话,口语诗歌,叫做“当我成为年轻人”,这是一位著名的基督教诗人,他从中汲取了很多灵感。约旦与上帝有亲密的关系,上帝在很小的时候就发展起来。小时候,我经常听到他大声说话,当我问他在和谁说话时,他会说:“我在向主祈祷。”

Courtesy of Stella Parker
Courtesy of Stella Parker
Courtesy of Stella Parker

Jordan’s life had been spared on 3 different occasions in his life. The first was when he was 7 years old, and was diagnosed with Superior Mesenteric Artery syndrome. The second time was when he was knocked off of his bicycle by a car, and the third time was when he was involved in a motor bike accident, at the age of 16. The bike was a total write off, and he barely had a scratch on him. I was convinced the angels caught him that day.

2017年,他追求自己的梦想成为一名飞行员。他在18岁时获得了他的PPL(个人飞行执照) - 就在他19岁之前Th生日。此后不久就开始了他的CPL(商业飞行员许可证)。

Courtesy of Stella Parker
Courtesy of Stella Parker

On January 5, 2018, in the late afternoon I received a frantic phone call from Jordan asking me where I was. I told him I was close to home, and was just filling my car up with gas. He asked me to come home immediately, so I raced home. When I got there, he was standing in the driveway looking very frazzled. I got out of the car and he came to me and asked me to hug him, which I did. I asked him what was wrong and he said, ‘You know the one thing you told me never to do?’ I was confused, and said, ‘What are you talking about Jordan, what have you done?’ That is when he dropped the bombshell on me – Drugs. ‘I have been using drugs.’ I could not believe my ears. He did not enjoy alcohol or soda – his drink of choice was water, and he was not a smoker. He was very conscious about his health and his body, and was extremely fit. He showed no signs of addiction. How could I have missed this; how could this be our story? At that moment, I stood there completely astounded by what I had just been told. So many emotions, so much anger, but most of all, fear.

Cherise Brady摄影

我只能想到的是前面的可怕道路。您会发现,成瘾对我的家人来说并不是新事物。我有一个近亲,他一直是一名活跃的吸毒者已有15年了。我们知道,一旦您抓住了您,就不会放手。

But, he had come to me. He had been using actively since just after his 19Thbirthday, and had unfortunately started using Crystal Meth which is a drug that will not easily release you. We managed to get Jordan into a rehabilitation center for 30 days, and he did really well. He was the youngest in the center, and the only non-smoker.

乔丹回家时,我们花时间再次恢复特权。他决心击败这个,事实他告诉我他有问题,并向我寻求帮助,让我确定要保持清洁。

His girlfriend stood by his side and supported him through this journey. She attended NA meetings with him and encouraged him through his sobriety.

Courtesy of Stella Parker

Jordan resumed his studies and also approached a company at the airport where he was studying for a job. He had impressed the owner of the business and it was a unanimous decision – Jordan was to be hired. But the news came too late.

On Wednesday, April 18, two days after his interview, Jordan wrote his ‘goodbye letter’ and left it in a little box next to his bed. He went over to his dad’s house where he was going to house-sit for a few days as his dad was away on business. Unfortunately, that evening, in his dad’s house – he ended his life.

Courtesy of Stella Parker

I was in constant communication with him and he had let me know when he left, and when he arrived. He contacted me that evening and asked me to send him 2GB data, as his father did not have wi-fi at home. He told me he would be home the next day as he didn’t want to stay there alone. His cousin was to be staying with him, but he had left that afternoon as it was his mom’s birthday the following day and he wanted to be home with her.

The next morning, on the 19Th, as soon as I woke up, I checked my phone for messages, and also looked to see what time he was last seen on WhatsApp, which was 10:20 p.m. I thought he must have had a good night’s rest. However, I didn’t feel myself that morning and didn’t quite understand why. While I was on my way to work I tried to call him, and got his voice mail. I figured he had not put his phone on charge, as he was not really one to worry too much about his cell phone. I tried to contact him throughout the morning, with no success. I eventually phoned his dad who also could not get ahold of him, and finally decided to phone his cousin and ask him to bring me the keys to his dad’s house. He decided to fetch me from work, and took me over.

当我们变成他父亲居住的庄园时,我望着窗外,记得说“看着美丽的彩虹。”那是暴风雨前的彩虹。

Jordan’s cousin went into the house and found him. I did not go in, I could not see him that way. All I remember saying out loud was, ‘This is not real, this cannot be real.’ I remember repeating that sentence over and over. I was in shock. My beautiful boy was gone.

Courtesy of Stella Parker

The next few days were a haze. There were so many visitors, and I had developed anxiety and fear of the dark. On Sunday the 22nd,我第一次独自一人在家。我丈夫去教堂,我们还没有游客。我走进约旦的房间,坐在他的床上,只是环顾四周。我的眼睛抓住了他床旁边的小盒子。我捡起它并打开了它。那是 - 他写了的告别信。

‘这是我做过的最自私的事情……但是这种疾病无法治愈,我不愿意在余下的时间里清醒。我选择了身体上的永久距离,但我现在在精神上与您同在。”我的儿子写道。

And then the signs began…

On the evening of his funeral, all the visitors had left and my husband and I were alone at home. I sat on the couch, and fell asleep. In my sleeping state, Jordan appeared to me. He was standing over me, breathing on me with a peaceful look on his face. He was beautiful. I tried to wake myself up because I knew this was not a dream. I remember opening my eyes, and seeing my arm resting on my lap, and I was pulled back to sleep again. I struggled because I wanted to be awake to be with Jordan. When I finally did manage to wake myself up – I looked around and said, ‘Jordan has just been here.’

他去世两周后,我和丈夫去了他父亲的家拿车。在回家的路上,我的丈夫(驾驶乔丹的车),我在加油站拉进了汽车。当我等待时,我打开了窗户,一个小的蚱hopper降落在我的门上。我以为这个小动物会来坐在那里很奇怪,但是什么也没想到。

当我们到家时,我注意到我的狗解放军ying with what looked like a bird in the driveway. I immediately went to its rescue, only to discover it was a grasshopper. A larger one, with colorful wings. How strange that was as I had not seen a grasshopper in years, and now there were two in one day. And the grasshoppers continued to appear, for the next few days, at the most random times and places.

A friend of mine who worked at the airport where Jordan obtained his pilot license was taking photos of the storm that was brewing that afternoon. She captured the same rainbow I saw, as we entered the estate. But there was more than just a rainbow in the photograph. There was a plane on the runway taking off, two rainbows, and a cloud in the shape of what could be a heart or angel wings, with a baby holding onto the formation, as well as an umbilical cord reaching towards heaven. To me, this is a very symbolic image of the new birth my son has in Heaven.

莱拉尼·詹森(Lelani Jansen)的照片

从那时起,乔丹就给了我最奇怪的彩虹和心形云。但是我收到的最深刻的迹象尚未到来。

Courtesy of Stella Parker
Courtesy of Stella Parker
Courtesy of Stella Parker

在7Th七月,我大胆的一步,用媒介说话。约旦以最深刻的方式走了。他告诉我事情只有他能知道的事情,并向我保证他和我在一起,他没有离开我们,他还好。媒介说:“你会在天空中看到他的脸。”显然,这听起来很荒谬,但是从那天开始,我继续抬头看(记住他在信中写的东西)。然后发生 - 在13Th八月在下班回家的路上,我注意到天空中最不寻常的云层。在我看来,它就像一个有肋骨和手臂的身体背心。大约30分钟旅行后,我回到家,在下午5:33拍摄了天空的照片。然后进去。两天后,当我滚动浏览照片时,我看到了它 - 那是 - 乔丹在天空中的脸。

Courtesy of Stella Parker

On the 20Th十月,我拍了另一张日落天空的照片,几天后,我注意到这是一张看起来像上帝的图像,伸出了伸出的手臂,乔丹坐在一起看着我们所有人。

Courtesy of Stella Parker

The signs are amazing – from the very first rainbow, the visitation, the grasshoppers, the communication through mediums, and the faces in the sky. I know my son may not be alive here in the physical world anymore, and for that my heart is truly broken, but I know he does continue to live on in spirit, just as he predicted in his letter.

我有很多东西要分享,很多关于同步,符号,歌曲,中等访问等的故事,但是我相信我已经分享了所有这些的最深刻的证据迹象。

每张证据照片都是我个人拍摄的 - 在大多数日子里,当我真正需要它们最需要它们时,这些迹象都会出现,尤其是心形云。

Now I continue to look up, because I know without any doubt, Jordan is with me, looking down on me.

Cherise Brady摄影

最后,我想从他的信中分享最后一篇摘录,希望有人能读它,并防止另一个生命被毒品摧毁。他要求在他的葬礼上读这首诗“我正在冰毒”,这就是他的原因:‘这首诗描述了为什么水晶冰毒是我夺走生命的自私理由。这首诗很重要。我不希望有人在遗传上患有这种疾病的人采取第一种药物的行动。我的第一种药物把我送到了我的坟墓。’”

从播客到视频节目,育儿资源再到快乐的眼泪 - 加入爱的爱,社区和beplay网络一直不畅订阅on YouTube.

Courtesy of Stella Parker

This is an exclusive story to Love What Matters. For permission to use, email Exclusive@LoveWhatMatters.com.

This story was submitted tobeplay网络一直不畅约旦的妈妈,南非约翰内斯堡的斯特拉·帕克(Stella Parker)。你可以跟随她的旅程Instagramand her博客Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own storyhere并在免费新闻通讯中订阅我们的最佳故事here

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