“嘿,您仍然需要那条扫帚吗?”在同一个排中,我们将关系保密。然后,他在Netflix和Chill中提出了这个问题。’:海洋坦率地详细介绍了婚姻之旅

免责声明:这个故事包含可能引发某些人的自我伤害的细节。

“当我20岁那年,我参加了海军陆战队,因为我想离开爱达荷州的小镇,然后回到大学。我不想成为有5个孩子的另一个家庭主妇,最终比我想的更长的牙齿协助。我从来没有找到一份工作,因为从2008年到2010年,还有一次轻微的经济衰退。我加入军队的想法在结束了情感和精神上的虐待关系之后,在2010年7月成为一项决定,我失去了我的关系。童贞在20岁。这种所谓的关系使我对我一生中有另一个男人的想法感到非常痛苦。

所以,我开始加入海军陆战队, passed all my physical requirements, and swore in October 2011, a month before I turned 21. Now, let me just say that my parents were less than enthusiastic about this. They thought I joined just because my ex was also a Marine and I was doing this for him, which was not the case at all. I knew much about the Corps because of him and my cousin, yes, but I also knew this was the hardest branch to join. It was a challenge I had accepted, and I explained to them how they brought me to this country from Mexico for a better life. I wanted to give back to the country that saved my parents from poverty and helped them with the unforeseen circumstances of my sister becoming handicapped with brain damage.

This would also help me go back to school and go into a profession that would allow me to work with kids with special needs, just as the woman who helped my sister growing up. Still hesitant, this was the first time I didn’t actually ask for permission, and I made it clear to them I wasn’t going to. Whether they wanted to support me or not, that was on them. Well it worked out, and they saw me graduate in South Carolina, I got stationed in NC for training before heading to my first duty station, and guess who found me? Yup, my ex.

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

He tried to get back with me, but he kept messing around with a girl back home. In the end, I fell for all his BS again. Luckily when I left NC to head to beautiful Southern California, I severed ties—sort of. He would still try to call me, talk to me, make me cry, and tell me how he missed me and loved me. He was a very narcissistic man indeed.

Then, I met my husband. We had been assigned to the same platoon when I got stationed in Camp Pendleton, and we were both Motor T Mechanics. I never really spoke to him much. I saw him, but I was too concerned with learning my job and not paying any attention to the other 300 hungry dudes awaiting ‘fresh meat.’ Then, during field day (mandatory weekly cleaning for enlisted Marines in the barracks) at the end of our formation before getting dismissed, our Staff Sergeant asked if anyone had any questions.

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

I raised my hand and asked if anyone had a broom for me to borrow—it was my first week there okay. The Sergeant replied with, ‘Someone get Araujo a broom, alright? Attention! Dismissed!’ I then got a text saying, ‘Hey, it’s Torrence. You still need that broom?’ I’m thinking, ‘Who the heck is Torrence? I suck at names! I don’t know this dude.’ I replied saying something like, ‘Yeah, sure,’ and went up to his room to go get it so I could sweep.

下班后几天闲逛就是一切开始。他来到我的房间,把门打开了(不允许在女性房间里的雄性,反之亦然)。我们开始在周末与其他排一起出去玩,一起进行现场操作,然后执行为期一个月的任务与我们的朋友们一起去Barstow。即使我说在我第一次入伍后我不会陷入另一个恋爱关系,他也开始真正地成长为我。哦,男孩,我们去圣地亚哥市中心的加斯兰普季度有很多乐趣吗?一段时间后,我们最终成为官方的,杰出的事情。

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

Our relationship had to be hidden because we could get into trouble for dating within the company, not to mention being in the same platoon. It’s just like it is in the real world. A conflict of interest, you know? Time went by, and then he ended up popping the question in the cutest most casual way. We were watching Netflix before ‘Netflix and Chill’ was even a thing. Honestly, I thought he was kidding, but then I saw it all over his face that he was completely serious. So, I told him only if he would marry me through the Catholic church and ask my dad for my hand, which he agreed to.

在所有的这些计划,我被分配到一个platoon that was set to deploy the next year. As much as I wanted to do it, I was a bit heartbroken that we couldn’t get the civil court marriage the way we had planned it. So we got married a lot earlier than usual, 2 weeks to be exact, and then we waited to fly to my home to Idaho for Christmas for him to ask my dad. The night he did, it was the most awkward and funny moment ever. My dad tried to get me to translate even though he knows English and speaks it just fine. My husband says that my mom and I were doing most of the talking, but I don’t remember that.

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

Then, after sitting there watching my little brother who was 2 at the time do whatever two-year old’s do, Ronnie finally asked the question and then my dad asked my mom. She replied in Spanish saying, ‘Whether you say yes or no, she’s got her mind made up, so just say yes.’ Then my dad turns to Ronnie and said, ‘Well. Ya, okay!’ Both men stood up. Ronnie went for a handshake and my dad did this awkward side-hug thing. My mom and I just looked at each other and giggled. The only thing is…my parents didn’t know we had already gotten married on a whim.

I deployed, and then Ronnie deployed with another unit that would be on the same base as me. We got a room together (almost unheard of unless you’re married) and then left back home to Cali in July 2014. Before I left, we started to plan our big wedding for 2015. Springtime, with the church bells, dressed and tuxedos and all that jazz. I began my birth control for the first time ever in my life before he came back. I didn’t want kids for another 3 years or so. I wanted to continue living life as a couple, grow with each other, and just take our time.

Little did I know after we got married (again), it would be the hardest years of our lives. Before the pains of trying to conceive, we dealt with talks of divorce, me being a control freak, and him getting into the habit of drinking way too much. We just were not seeing the end of this relationship being a good one. In 2016, I had to get out of the Corps due to a hip issue that really messed me up in the head. My body just wasn’t able to keep up with what my mind was trying to push it to keep doing.

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

罗尼(Ronnie)抢购一空,喝了饮酒。他想要离婚,我不知道该怎么办。我一周没吃饭,他不会和我说话,他恨我,因为他不高兴我试图控制自己的一生。我一直都希望他的注意。我要他全力以赴。老实说,我确实倾向于成为一个控制狂,花了很多年才意识到今天的关系不像我父母的关系是/是。性别角色和性别刻板印象是妻子和丈夫应该如何成为,社会上可以接受的是不同的。

We had a ‘friend’ who was feeding lies to us. She told him I didn’t want kids and told me he was probably cheating on me. I started to cut again. I did it when I was a teen due to my mental health issues. I was molested numerous times as a kid and into my teens by a cousin in Mexico. This would affect my marriage a bit later when being intimate at times.

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

这并没有为他的行为或他如何与我交谈。这一切发生在他第二次部署之前。在他部署的一个周末,我们诚挚地同意最后一次花时间在一起,并决定在电影院播出时观看Zootopia。我们回到家,他不说话就离开了市区。我睡觉,醒来,从我们路上的拘留所打来电话。

他已经被捕。我感觉胃里something would happen. I waited for him to get released in the lobby. I didn’t see him off when he left for deployment. We could say the distance helped. We spoke in depth and when he came back home, we officially started to try and conceive. We still had our issues, but we would resolve them eventually, sort of. Let me just say that we were both really broken people that probably shouldn’t have been married, but we did have more good times than bad. Bad times are always the ones to be remembered the most for some reason, but if I were here to talk about our good times then would it still be a story?

We moved to South Carolina for his special duty assignment of working as a Drill Instructor, still having major issues after he wanted to sell our house and move across the country. Going back to where I became a Marine was very bittersweet and it reminded me of why I joined. He finally agreed to see a marriage counselor with me; I felt stupid because she must have thought I was making things up. He would just sit there like nothing was wrong with us. Yet, I would not hear the end of it when we got home.

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

His job didn’t make anything easier when trying to conceive, and we still did not know what the hell was going on with us. I felt like I was the problem. I’ve heard that usually women think their bodies are the ones not cooperating. I didn’t know how true this was until later. It was difficult still, not to mention his drinking. He would just over do it and talk to me however he wanted. After his blackouts, I was the one to clean up his puke, make sure he was hydrated for work, ate food, and made it to work on time at either 1 or 3 a.m.

Honestly, I was so over it and I finally put my foot down and said to him that everything we had been through was for nothing. I know all of this sounds one sided, but let me explain that he tells me to write it like it is. I was effed up too…everything was mutually effed up.

Now, I remember saying to him that all the love he said he had didn’t mean anything if he wasn’t going to change, so I left one night when he decided it was a good idea to get into a fight and go off to go drink with his friends, all while cussing me out. This wasn’t the first time I had tried to call it quits. I did it about 3 more times. Every time we made up, we kept in mind it was a good thing we hadn’t gotten pregnant yet. There was no way we were going to raise a kid and not get our sh*t together you know? After time and resolving more of our issues yet again, he had agreed to finally seek help for trying to conceive.

We went and found out it was actually his sperm count and motility that was hindering our chances of conceiving naturally. The only way we could have children of our own was through IVF or IUI. He consulted with a urologist and a genetic counselor to get to the root of the problem. As soon as we found this out, he completely shut down. He didn’t want to talk about it, and we fought, I cried and pleaded with him. He said he would do it on his own time and asked me to respect his decisions when it came to his body. Using work as an excuse almost all the time. I cried in silence most nights as he slept. I cried on the inside when we would go to baby showers and birthday parties.I dread the questions of having kids every time.

There were unbearable feelings of being worthless when I would get my period. I wouldn’t even bother to track my cycle anymore or take any tests. I started to cut again and kept to myself a lot. I was becoming more and more depressed without knowing. I did, however, know I needed a break. So, I planned out a trip. The day I finally had my flight set, I wasn’t even off the plane when I got a call from the detention center. Ronnie had gotten a DUI. It was heartbreaking, but with all of the stress, I wasn’t surprised. But, come on!

I flew back after my two-week stay with my parents and lost it on him. I left for a week to my friend’s house after telling him what he needed to hear. This was when he finally decided to get sober. He wanted to conceive and go back to the fertility clinic. I had been pushed so far that by the time Nov 2018 came around, I was so over life in general. I began to silently contemplate life as a woman, a Marine, a wife, and a childless woman at that. He had no idea what was going on because, after a while, I gave up trying to even talk about kids. I bottled it up and put on a brave face for him when he would come home.

我终于在11月进行了预期的髋关节手术。我从未感到毫无用处和不完整。我开始联系预防自杀发短信线,然后在2019年1月,我的经验最多。我意识到自己向自己拉枪不是答案。对于很多人来说,我在精神上经历的一切都是正常的。我是什么,我们正在经历的事情比我们想象的要正常。在我放手之前,我住院,药物治疗,并患有心理治疗。几个月后,罗尼(Ronnie)终于决定是时候进行一次精液分析了,一年多后,他得到了处方来送往民用医院的,但这是他所得到的。他再也没有得到分析。他只是为了取悦我。 I don’t know what he thought, really.

More months of trying with a diva cup, pre-seed lube, negative tests, follicular cysts, not ovulating, and timing every single time we had sex. Seeing others get pregnant again and again. He went back to his doctor to get a referral to the fertility clinic and set up his own appointments for once. We went back and had blood tests done again and his semen analysis to start the process over again. That’s when our Doctor came back to hit us with another blow. He said Ronnie’s sperm count was significantly lower than before and his best bet is to see a urologist as mentioned before. In the meantime, we had to get in touch with the financial counselor because our IVF journey would be a whopping 14k.

After waiting 2 months for an appointment to see the urologist, he was prescribed Clomiphene to help increase his sperm count for 3 months and then be tested again to see the progress. That never happened because of COVID. We had so much hope. I thought finally I wouldn’t ever have to ask him to start this process over again. We moved back to California this year, and he has transitioned out of The Marine Corps. We thought if we did IVF, we could move back to Idaho to be closer to my family.

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

We are still currently at square one. We’ve applied for so many grants and contacted facilities for IVF costs here in California, Mexico, and Europe. Our journey has been more than a journey of trying to conceive, clearly!! It is also a journey of traumas, loss, addiction, mental health, and most importantly, learning to love ourselves first. We are the happiest we have ever been even with all of what we have lived through together. I am mentally where I had always wanted to be. He is still sober and is more open with his own struggles.

We are still hopeful of having our own children. If it doesn’t happen for us, we, like others, have options out there. We encourage those struggling to remember that there is always hope and there is help. It does get easier to cope with when you have friends and family and support groups. Don’t listen to the unsolicited advice of family or others that popped out a kid on the first try. They don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes. Take it with a grain of salt and throw it out the damn window. At the end of the day, all that advice isn’t from an educated professional in the field of infertility and it isn’t going to help you get your sanity or increase chances of getting pregnant. The more open you are about quiet struggles, the better it gets.”

Courtesy of Adriana Torrence

This story was submitted tobeplay网络一直不畅byAdriana and Ronnie Torrence of Temecula, California。You can follow her journey onInstagramSubmit your own story这里and be sure to订阅to our free email newsletter for our best stories, andYouTubefor our best videos.

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‘At 60 years old, my mother said, ‘Oh, I love being pregnant!’ We laughed. She couldn’t have a baby, could she?’: LGBT couple welcome baby after sister donates eggs, grandmother volunteers as surrogate

‘在一起十年?而且没有宝贝?!您还在等什么?’我们在酒店床上度过了周年纪念日,呼唤我们的眼睛。

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